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baseball the ancient past

SportsCenter catchphrases & their usage contexts

I watch so much Sports­Cen­ter that I fig­ured I'd try to chron­i­cle the non sequitors that they use to punc­tu­ate excel­lent sports moments.

  • Three beers apiece for my co-work­ers – While high-fives among team­mates are being exchanged. Deriva­tion: Shaw­shank Redemp­tion
  • What's on the grill? — Punc­tu­ates the moment when some­one, usu­al­ly Dwayne Wade, dunks in some­one else's face, i.e. "Jason Collins, what's on the grill?"
  • Pay for my dry clean­ing! — Accen­tu­at­ed a Vince-Carter-admin­is­tered NBA play­off dunk. Deriva­tion: SNL
  • Bar­tender! John­ny Walk­er Red. — High­light involv­ing the Cincin­nati Reds.
  • _____ has pow­ers com­pa­ra­ble to Won­der­boy! — Fill in the blank with any play­er who is about to do some­thing amaz­ing in the high­light reel. Deriva­tion: Tena­cious D.
  • That's lev­i­ta­tion, homes. — Dunk that could oth­er­wise be described with the words "heli­copter," "wind­mill," or "tom­a­hawk," or any dunk by Vince Carter or Andre Igoudala in the month of Decem­ber 2005. Deriva­tion: Tena­cious D.
  • Bar­tender! Cana­di­an Club. — used in con­junc­tion with the Blue Jays, Rap­tors, or any Cana­di­an NHL team.
  • Get to the chop­per! — Var­i­ous­ly applied, e.g. Albert Pujols has just ham­mered the crap out of the ball and is begin­ning to trot around the bases; Ben Wal­lace has com­plete­ly plas­tered an opponent's dunk attempt and is sprint­ing back down­court, where he receives an alley-oop from Chauncey Billups and throws it down in some guy's face; Julius Pep­pers has just sprint­ed 20 yards in approx­i­mate­ly 1.5 sec­onds in order to light up a quar­ter­back. Deriva­tion: Preda­tor
  • Bar­tender! Shot of Jack. — This, I think, was the orig­i­nal "Bar­tender" excla­ma­tion. Usu­al­ly used in con­nec­tion with a home­run.
  • Bar­tender! Cuba Libre — Intro­duc­ing any sto­ry involv­ing Cuba dur­ing the World Base­ball Clas­sic.
  • Kill me, I'm here! — Gen­er­al excla­ma­tion. I've only heard this one once, and it accom­pa­nied a hock­ey high­light. Deriva­tion: Preda­tor
  • That's it and that's all. — Usu­al­ly to punc­tu­ate a player's exe­cu­tion of a coup de grace, e.g. "Allen Iverson's three in the clos­ing sec­onds puts the Six­ers up for good. That's it and that's all." Deriva­tion: Lil Sis
  • (Always in progress)