In the Silver Jews song "Trains Across the Sea," there's a line that goes: "In 27 years, I've drunk 50,000 beers, and they just wash against me like the sea into a pier." That's 5+ beers a day from birth until your 28th birthday. If you start at 16, you're drinking a 12-pack a day to get there. (I didn't account for leap years, actually, so you'd have 2–3 days to let your liver recover during those 11 years).Recently, I came across a diary I kept in 1994, the year I moved to California. I was clearly obsessed with the Silver Jews at the time, and I'd done a little math in the margin to calculate how I matched up to them, beer-wise. (I was 22 at the time). Shockingly, I found that I had to cram roughly 40,000 beers into the next 4.5 years. That's a little over one case per day, everyday, i.e. a true 24x7 sort of endeavor. Did I make it? Short answer: No. However, I did predict that I'd be getting there by the time I was 33, my current age. Am I there yet? In my estimation, no. Probably not, anyway. My revised calculations put me at the landmark somewhere around my 43rd birthday. I'm coming for you, Dave Berman! Watch your back!